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My Photos (46)

being pretty isn't my thing.

1 yr ago
Comments: 1 Views: 25

baby smiles. me && my "daughter". she makes me wanna wake up in the morning.

1 yr ago
Views: 4

My Journals (2)

fix me in 45.

1 yr 3 mos ago Comments (4)

Wherever you go, I'll always be waiting.I'm wasting my time, honestly … Read more

Broken Down

2 yrs 1 mo ago Comments (2)

Rip Me Open. I Want You To See How Fucked Up You've Made Me. I've … Read more

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Notes to falloutgurl340 (102)

	Mark as Spam brutalbecca: 05/16/2008 2:45 AM Your profile pik scares me with your legs but tis kool :D x
	Mark as Spam theakasareeverywhere: 02/25/2008 10:02 PM Help spread the word about the new album from The A.K.A.s, copy and paste the code below into your About Me section!
	Mark as Spam ryanrossismylove: 12/09/2007 7:22 AM hey, i added u hope u dnt mind. how are u? xx
	Mark as Spam mendoza: 09/14/2007 3:28 PM hey check out my new site www.winMUSICwin.com! You can find tagged music contests by bands! :) if you know of any submit them and i will post them!
	Mark as Spam haileyrich: 07/09/2007 9:36 AM thanks for adding me back:)
	Mark as Spam orchdork: 06/08/2007 12:54 PM Hi! I'd love to make banners for you! I'm a banner whore. Are they on quizilla? Or where? Tell me your username. :D
	Mark as Spam raya: 06/01/2007 3:32 PM Got my internet cut off again. I'll talk to you when i can. hold your head high love, you can let go....i did.
	Mark as Spam raya: 05/28/2007 12:53 PM im so sorry dear. i had a total meltdown. you've known me long enough to see i get that way sometimes. im better now, trust me. i had some sort of clarifying experience last night. it tied up all the loose ends, erased all the "what if's" and now im left with certainty. it feels fantastic. you know, i've always been one to lead and never follow. that's why this experience feels so miserable to me. because im not in control. not even of myself. as a matter of fact, i have no rule to measure how long the good feeling will last. im no longer behind the wheel. what i do, how i feel, is no longer in my control.
	Mark as Spam raya: 05/25/2007 9:12 AM i can't do this anymore. im deleteing everything that was. it was all pixels and pencilmarks anways. i can't end up like that. i have too much to offer for it all to wilt away. my head doesent need cleaning. it's the stuff thats been sitting for ages that's the real gold. in that case, im a millionaire now. im useless in my attamepts, i cant do much for you anymore. im barley able to help myself out. and even so, i know this will come back to bitch slap me in the face. WHY? because as humans we will always ask "what if?" life is too short to never know. or turn away. but im doing it anyways cause life is also too short to spend dying, cause it'll be the end before it begins. im just trying to stay strong. i need a shoulder but i get empty air. the ghost's of my halucinations are fucking me on the couch. and slipping cyanide into my drinks. i cant make them go away. and when i pull them close, im glad they've stayed. i'm not gonna renmain in reality, because none of it is really real. everyone is fake. there is no such thing as substance. im going to steal Raya away and seal her in a book with the binding kept tight. i'll lock her behind her own ensnaring words. bars made of letters. she really isnt a person. she's just a charecter i've made up in my head. one that loves a person that doesent exist. no more. time to find out what's really behind all the skin. peel it back and watch her sqirm... she never really mattered to anyone. "Wake up with bloodshot eyes, struggle to memorize, the way it felt between your thighs"... i want to find some comfort at the bottom of a wine bottle. in the friction up my skirt. at the party by the bar. let's play tag with our tounges, and forget we were ever genuine. forget the sparkle in our eyes. forget the suny-day smiles and the rainy day dances. forget the all-nighters talking too the crickets. let go off everything that was.
	Mark as Spam raya: 05/21/2007 9:58 AM still sunny. but theres a chance of rain on the horizons. things never stay normal for long. but for now im fine. i've decided that the only way to extiguish an old flame, is to lite a new one, the old one will die out in bitter time. i cant love another guy. maybe i'll go with a girl. maybe i'll be able to love a guy again. i dont yet know. for now, im learning to love myself. that's the important endeavor i find myself on recently... it's going great. i know i'll go somewhere. be somebody. people will never love me, for i hate them. people will never love me, because you cant love a beast. but i will be respected, because my mind holds that kind of wealth. and people like to patheticly crawl for that type of thing... i know. no, i am certain, beyond reasonable doubt that you too will rise above this all. im going to homeschool myself so i can graduate two years early. i cant be around these people so often. im a misathrope. they're fun for a moment but that moment fades in the first hour or so. im setting myself up for failure it's cripling. i construct al the ways i can fail in my mind. a fear of failure is a fear of success. and thats true. i dont want to lose myself. pete did. no all the way. i see that little boy i love so much come out ever-so-often. but for the most part, he's nothing compared to what he used to be. what he can be. you can always hit rewind. i love him. i love you. i love myself and all my friends. i love music. and im so glad that im alive. i'll drag you out of the quicksand. GOOD LUCK. dont crumble, dont fall. we'll win this battle if you stay and fight.